you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
