i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
