We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
