Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.

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(209): View more from California

She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead

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(318): View more from Louisiana

Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on

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(409): View more from Texas

I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.

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(310): View more from California

Why did you buy a cock ring?

(949): View more from California

I’m going to propose to his penis

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