Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize