You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize