i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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