my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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