Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
