We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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