I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
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