I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
