I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
