Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
