HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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