Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize