Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
