So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
