my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
