He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
