so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
