if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize