so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
