If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
