If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
