oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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