Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
