i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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