I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
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