Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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