You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
