I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
