Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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