the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
