My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
