I want to have your abortion
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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