Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize