The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
