this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
