wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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