I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
