For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
