I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
