booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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