I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
