the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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