fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
