i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
