I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize