Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize