how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
