the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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