Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize