I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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