: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
