Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
