oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
is wine microwaveable?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Randomize