# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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