woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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