In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
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