You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
