We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
