I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
