girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
