No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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