I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
