3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
