I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
